Pajama Slave Dancers
"Blood, Sweat and Beers"
Dave Montovani: Vocals and Guitar
Dirk Futon: Drums
Daxe Rexford: Guitar and Keys
Steve Westfield: Vocals and Guitar
Scott Blood: Bass
Songs are in MP3 format.
Draggin' For Beer
White smoke from rubber burnin',
The strip's all squealin' sound.
I stop power braking my Fairlane,
The posi lifts her off the ground.
When my front skins hit,
It's a little tough to steer her.
One hand on the short throw,
Watch that 'Cuda in my mirror.
The gals all know no one can beat her.
My Blown '66 haulin' Henry asphalt eater,
With 4:86 rear end this hodad has no fear,
Soon I'll be shotgunnin' when I'm draggin' for beer!
4 bang through my dog clutch.
My blower's jammin' air.
When I pass the quarter mile,
That Plymouth's only halfway there.
Put the pedal to the metal.
My headers blowin' flame
850 double pumper,
High domed pistons, high octane.
I was dead broke
But I had to have a brew,
Thought of the alternatives,
I knew what I had to do.
I borrowed from my sister,
Went to a bar and gave a wink,
When a short, fat balding Shriner
Began to buy me drinks
He asked me to go home with him, I slurred
"Later, I'm no queer."
He was quite suprised to find I was
In drag for beer!
No Dick
I'm in love with the girl next door.
I'm in love, even though she's a whore.
But I've got a problem that I can't lick.
I'm in love, but I got no dick.
No dick, no dick.
It happens all the time it happens this way.
She wants to go, but I'd rather stay.
Of course I'm always the last they pick.
The girls don't like me cause I got no dick.
Homo Truck Drivin' Man
10-4, good buddy, headin' down the line.
I see them little boys and they sure look fine.
I like to take theirs, then I give 'em mine.
'Cause I'm a homo truck drivin' man.
Headin' down the line and I need some gas.
I put it into overdrive, movin' out to pass.
Then I pick up some little feller and I screw him up the ass.
'Cause I'm a homo truck drivin' man.
Well..when you're hitchhikin' down that road and ya
See that big rig comin' for ya
And it's painted lavender,
Well friends, you better stay out of its way.
'Cause we all know way deep down inside that truck driver's
Powerful gay.
Who is he?
Everybody now!
Golf Pro
One day I went to a drivin' range
That's the day that my life changed.
My friends say I'm actin' kinda strange.
I hang around pro shops and putt for change.
Wearin' plaid, yeah, real nice clothes.
I'll get in 18 even if it snows.
Then I go down to the 19th hole
And laugh at all those jerks who bowl.
I want to be a golf pro,
Teein' off for big dough
Jesus Skates
Who's that dude, feet nailed to the board?
Look at him glide, look at him soar!
The things he does, it's like a miracle.
I tell ya that guy is so damn radical.
Jesus Skates!
I tell you he looks like some hippie freak,
But you ought to see him burn up and down the street.
He's always tryin' to tell ya how to run your life.
He's always sayin' things like 'Don't screw your neighbor's wife."
Crustacean Vacation
Who Will Answer?
I Want to Make Love to You
I climb the misty mountains to the shadow of your love.
The unicorn of happiness is dancing with the dove.
I charge the throne of darkness with thruth's light sceptre high.
I looked a gift horse in the mouth and burst through amber skies.
I'm coming for you, baby.
I wanna play hide the salami with you.
I see you standing there with your beauty glowing down on the shadow of love
And I know someday you will be mine.
Oh, you're looking so beautiful tonight...
Won't you be my lady?
Psycho Date
I was kinda lonely so I thought it'd be great.
I didn't know she'd be a psycho date.
Said "How are you? Dave is my name."
She said, "I'm Creepella. Are you into chains?"
She said "Let's get a pizza." She wanted to go to the morgue!
She thought it was great, I was kinda bored.
She was a psycho date.
She said "Let's race the car up and down the boulevard."
I knew if Dad found out, he'd come down pretty hard.
But I made an impression and she thought it was good:
Impression of a pedestrian who bounced off my hood.
Then she asked me if I had a big gun.
Well, I just assumed that I had one.
Then she pulled out a gun and said "Get down on your knees
And bark like a dog until I'm pleased.
I love you. I hate you.
Said I love you. Said I hate you.
She said, "Pull into the cemetary, maybe I'll make you."
Then she took off her clothes, started to howl at the moon.
I prayed to god this date would end soon.
Walked to the door and began to hesitate
She said, "Don't be shy."
Then she punched me in the face.
Surfin' Sex Machine
Well all day long I'm ridin' those breakers.
Tonight we'll do things never done by Quakers.
Oh girl, you know what I mean
I'm your surfin' sex machine.
Surfin' sex machine.
Oh baby I can ride a tsunami.
Let's just hope you don't become a mommy.
Oh girl you know what I mean.
I'm your surfin' sex machine.
Black Hand
Defreeze Walt Disney
I got a little older and I left the house.
I headed down south, now I work for Mickey the Mouse.
But the Disney corporation is down on it's knees.
It's time to take Walter out of the deep freeze.
They're in trouble.
Better fix it on the double.
It's not my fault.
Please, please, defreeze Walt!
My job's on the line, the company's going fast.
We need Waletr and his trim little mustache.
walter was one of my favorite dudes.
Now he's hangin' out with the frozen foods.
We could use some of old Walt's advice.
If everyone writes a letter, they'll take him off the ice.
he sure was a nice old geezer,
I wish they'd take him out of the freezer
Texas Chain Letter Massacre
A scarlet letter came in the mail.
As I read it my skin turned pale.
From a death cult in southern Texas
What it said made little or no sense.
Reading this letter could mean death,
You may have taken your last breath.
Take Satanic paper and poison pen
And send ten copies to your closest friends.
Other information contained inside
Glowing recommendations of those who complied
Then something else caught my eye,
Obituaries of those who had died.
Oh my god, it's signed in human blood!
I went to the fridge and grabbed a Bud.
There was one last appeal:
Don't forget to use Easter Seals.
Called my Congressman, nothing he could do,
He was bummed, he got one, too.
Called the postmaster, he could care less
"Just make sure to mark it 'Perish'"
It's a crazy pyramid scheme
Born in some psychotic's dream.
My choice is made, it will be easy.
My friends will be sorry when they hear from me.
Farm Rap
I don't wanna hear that inner city crap
I wanna hear some farm rap!
Well there's broken glass in my yard
A wind storm came and it blew real hard
Blew down my shed, blew down my barn
Blew down my tomatos, blew down my corn
Hey, I'm lucky that I'm alive
And I do hope that I will survive
Well I work my fingers to the bone
But the government is gonna close my loan.
It's rough!
It's tough!
It's bad!
It's sad, when you work on a farm.
Well you wanna see the world so ya head into town
But all the dudes laugh and all the gals frown
You swing at someone, but you get hit
And you wish you stayed home and watched your momma knit
By the time ya get home you're black and blue
Your poppa says, "What the hell's wrong with you?
You're supposed to be in by 10PM
You better be up by 4AM."
You were born in an attic with nothin' in your head
'Cause your goddamn family's all interbred
You got no brains and you got no hair
'Cause the midwife, she didn't give you no air
You didn't go to school 'cause it's 40 miles away
You spend your nights pitchin' hay
Spend your days shovelin' shit
Find yourself liking squeezing cow's teats.
Yeah...out in the barn at night...
Well your daddy dies young 'caue the work doeshim harm
And guess who inherits the farm?
You spend your life from the day of birth
Cursin' the weather and fightin' the earth.
Train Wreck On Prom Night
I heard it at assembly - how the students had been killed
Last year on prom night. The story gave me chills
So I made up my decision - this year I'd use my brain
I wouldn't drive to the dance, Betty and I would take the train.
I didn't know there'd be a
Train wreck on prom night
Hope that Betty's allright
I thought I'd done the right thing buyin' tickets for the train
But on that fatal night, Amtrak collided with a plane
And when it hit the tanker car the poison gas burst into flame
I saw blood on my carnation, I heard Betty scream my name (Davey!)
Sometimes at night I can still see her smilin' pretty
And I remember the way we talked.
And I think that she'd be alive today
If only we had walked.
Fast Cars, Girls in Bikinis
Porcelain Bus
I'm feelin' pretty happy tonight
Gonna stay up late, do as I please
I'm goin' out of control
I know tomorrow I'll be down on my knees
Drivin' the porcelain bus!
Some of you been where I been
And you wish thatyou weren't alive
Your hands hold cold porcelain
You've had your fun...now you must drive!
Bass drums pound in your brain
Feels like your insides are gonna explode
You promise you'll never act so insane
As your bathroom veers off the road.